Some people consider press releases stacked in their inbox to be the bane of their productive existence. For me, they’re the source of considerable entertainment and invaluable enlightenment.
Like the many Boddhisattva’s who walk the soil of this flying chunk of rock we call Planet Earth, I’m obligated to postpone my attainment of Nirvana until all sentient beings have a chance to catch up. Apparently the road to enlightenment for me today travels through the lives of Britney Spears, MC Hammer, Dolly Parton and, strangely, cheese.
Here’s a sampling from today’s rock and roll Dharma, via my inbox:
Subject Line: Britney Spears’ ‘Circus’ Is the #1 Most Played Song in the Country
Gratefully, I couldn’t sing a couple bars of Brit’s new song if you held a gun to my head. (I saw a video of her version of I Love Rock and Roll a few weeks back and I’m still having nightmares about live squirrels being thrown into a wood chipper. Meditation Note: I’ve found the best way to engage with Britney is to pull up her videos on YouTube, mute the sound and watch her while listening to Nirvana.)
At any rate, the producers who recently added water to another box of BritQuik have scored another hit single. This, and the continued proliferation of reality TV shows, confirms that the demise of the western world is well at hand. (See next item)
(Interlude: Nirvana – Big Cheese)
Subject Line: It’s Hammertime: M.C. Hammer Kicks Off a Year of Kalahari-Sized Entertainment at Resort’s New Indoor Theme Park
Know why the Arts & Entertainment network shortened it’s name to A&E? Because the last time they covered the A-R-T-S, Leonardo Da Vinci was actually alive. Witness: MC Hammer (that’s right, MC Hammer) is getting a reality series on A&E!
This release offers me important information about Hammertime’s upcoming engagement at a theme park somewhere in Wisconsin, land of cheese. That’s a long way from Hollywood, baby, but apparently there’s money (and not just cows) in them thar fields.
(Interlude: On Wisconsin)
Subject Line: Cracker Barrel to Offer Exclusive Dolly Parton CD
As if all enlightenment revolves around sour milk, Dolly Parton is also in with the cheese people. I can’t do better than quoting this beautifully written gem of PR flack-ism:
“She’s an international star, a prolific songwriter, and a beloved philanthropist, but Dolly Parton is also just an old-fashioned Tennessee girl, and that’s why Cracker Barrel Old Country Store(R) is pleased and proud to be the exclusive source of a new Collectors’ Edition of Dolly’s latest CD, Backwoods Barbie.”
Not just “pleased”. They’re “pleased and proud“!
Remember when you could simply walk into a record store and buy a record? Seems that, today, clogged arteries are a prerequisite for entertainment enlightenment. All hail the enlightened cows of Wisconsin!
Original post: WNEW, 3.2.09